Motherhood and Kids

5 Essential Tips for Living with Relatives

One of the reasons we picked Texas when deciding to move was because we had family that already lived in Dallas.  My sister and her family were the first to move, then my mother, and then my aunt along with my cousin. We knew we wanted to move somewhere we had family and so Dallas is where we decided to live.

I get asked often in my Instagram stories if my Mom lives with us, and the answer is yes. It has been over 2 years since my mother has moved in with us.  After I respond, I then get asked many follow up questions.  

Before I dive into giving you some tips for living with relatives I wanted to share that my Mama and I are so excited to have the opportunity to partner up with Soma Intimates!

I first started loving Soma after breastfeeding Calvin, and it was time to find bras that really fit these new shaped breasts. Haha! I have been hooked ever since.

I fell in love with Soma even more when they allowed my mom to partner up as well to show off their Cool nights pajama collection.  As you can see they fit great for different shapes and sizes, and I love the variety of the collection!

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I understand living with relatives can happen for many different reasons.  Maybe health, financial, or just because you and your parent prefer that. The reason will vary for each family. I don’t believe my mother wants to stay with us long term.  Y’all, we got 3 kids, and ALL 3 of them come busting in her door daily with requests! HAHA! My boys are the reason we decided to pay extra to get a lock on the guest bedroom door.  I feel bad sometimes because they swear she is not supposed to have any peace! 

We want my mom to be even more successful than she already is, and for us this was the best decision for everyone. 

Regardless of what brings you to considering living with relatives, I wanted to share some tips to help it be a successful situation for everyone involved! 

5 Essential Tips for Living with Relatives

Set Expectations

Everyone is an adult, and I think the biggest conflicts that can come into play when living with relatives for that matter is not having clear expectations on both ends.  A lot of times you can be walking around mad and in most cases it could have been avoided if you just communicated expectations early on. 

I recommend before anyone moves in, that you all collectively have a conversation on grocery, cooking schedules, or any other responsibilities outlined. Most importantly, if you plan on having your family member pay any expenses while there that needs to be clearly discussed, including the amount and dates. You also have to remember that you can’t get upset for what your family member is or isn’t doing if you have never clearly communicated with them.

Get Aligned with your Spouse

If this is your parent or family member that is moving in that is a huge undertaking for your spouse to adjust with.  I don’t think Rick ever thought we would be living with my mom. He loves my mom but it definitely is an in-law. I appreciate him more than he will ever know for doing it.  When I came to him with the ideas, we had a long talk. For him, it was never even a question he was like let’s do it. However, if your spouse is not aligned with you, I would not recommend moving forward unless it’s an absolute necessity. It will only create tension. I regularly check in with my husband to ensure he is still ok with it, or if there is anything that he wants to talk through.  While I love my mother I have to also be respectful to my husband.

Give your Family Member Space

The last thing an adult wants is to feel like they are being policed. No one deserves that.  My mother is my mother, and an adult. I try to have the boys be respectful of her space. We did get in trouble when Cyrus learned how to open doors. Ugh! Since her room doesn’t have a lock I can’t always control that situation as much as I would like.  Cyrus swears he is entitled to everything in her room! 

If this is a long term situation for you, consider how you could make a space for your family member that feels like their own suite.  While we don’t think this will be a permanent situation, we did learn from this experience that it would be nice for our guests to have their own bathroom. With that, we added to our floor plan a guest bathroom in their room, and then made a powder bath off the hallway. And as I mentioned, we added a lock to the guest bedroom door being built. 

You want to be comfortable but you also want your relative to be as well. 

Make it a Mutually Beneficial Situation 

Even if your parent has to live with you, find a way to see if they can pitch in.  Such as maybe babysit the kids a couple times a month. Or help out with chores.  There are many ways you can make this a win-win situation for everyone involved. 

Create boundaries

Y’all this is so important, especially if you have kids.  This is where we experienced some issues. My mom is the Gigi that will come home with Chick-Fil-A milkshakes after we told the boys no dessert.  Typical grandparent activities. If my mother didn’t live with me it would be no biggie, but this can turn into the boys becoming quite spoiled by their Gigi.  We have even caught my mom upstairs cleaning up the playroom while Cam is sitting playing video games, EVEN THOUGH we asked him to clean it up! 

We had to create boundaries with our kids and mom on when they can have desserts.  And that she cannot be their maid! Cameron has even tried to ask his Gigi for something he knew we would say no too.  However, it applies in your specific situation just create boundaries so there are no blurred lines. 

Living with relatives will be an adjustment. 

It won’t be the perfect situation. However, you can learn how to make it a successful situation for everyone involved. 

Don’t forget to shop the entire Soma store to take advantage of their deals!

*These tips on living with relatives are sponsored by Soma, of course all thoughts are my own*